How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex (When He's All You Think About)

Girl, let me guess.

You woke up this morning and he was your first thought. You checked your phone hoping for a text. You've replayed the breakup conversation 47 times. You're analyzing every Instagram story wondering if it's about you. And you're Googling things like "how to stop thinking about someone" at 2am.

Been there. Done that. Got the tear-stained t-shirt.

Let's talk about why you can't stop thinking about him and more importantly - how to actually break this cycle. Because sis, you deserve to take up space in your own mind again.

Why You Can't Stop Thinking About Him (It's Not What You Think)

Before we get into the how, let's talk about the WHY. Because understanding this makes everything else easier.

You're not weak. You're not pathetic. You're not crazy.

Your brain is literally doing what it's designed to do. When you were in a relationship with someone, your brain created neural pathways - basically highways of thought patterns - connected to that person.

Think about it: For months or years, you thought about him constantly. "What should I text him?" "What are we doing this weekend?" "I wonder what he's thinking." Your brain got REALLY good at thinking about him.

And now that he's gone? Those pathways are still there. Your brain is literally trained to think about him. It's a habit. And like any habit, it takes time and effort to break.

But here's the other thing nobody tells you:

You're also addicted to the pain. I know that sounds harsh, but hear me out.

Every time you think about him, you get a hit of emotion - sometimes it's longing, sometimes it's anger, sometimes it's sadness. And your brain, weirdly, finds that familiar and almost comforting. It's like picking at a scab. It hurts, but you can't stop doing it.

Plus, thinking about him keeps you connected to him. And letting go of that connection? That feels like losing him all over again. So your brain holds on tight.

Makes sense now, right?

Okay, now let's fix it.

Step 1: Stop Fighting the Thoughts (Yes, Really)

I know this sounds backwards, but the more you try NOT to think about something, the more you think about it.

Don't believe me? Right now, don't think about a pink elephant. Just don't think about it at all.

What are you thinking about? A pink elephant, right?

Same thing happens with your ex.

Every time you think "Stop thinking about him! Stop it!" you're actually reinforcing the thought pattern. You're giving it energy and attention.

Instead, try this:

When a thought about him pops up, acknowledge it without judgment. "Oh, there's a thought about him. Okay." And then gently redirect.

Don't shame yourself. Don't spiral. Just notice it like you'd notice a cloud passing by, and then look at a different cloud.

This takes practice, but it works so much better than fighting yourself.

Step 2: The Thought Replacement Method

Your brain needs something to think about. It's not going to just sit there empty.

So instead of thinking about him, you need to give your brain something else to focus on.

Here's what I did:

Every time I caught myself thinking about my ex, I'd immediately redirect to one of three things:

A goal I'm working toward - "What's my next step for my business?"

Something I'm grateful for - "I'm grateful for my health, my friends, my home"

A future I'm excited about - Visualizing my dream life six months from now

Pick your three redirect topics and practice them. Over and over. You're literally rewiring your brain.

At first, you'll have to redirect 100 times a day. That's normal.

But after a week? Maybe 50 times. After two weeks? Maybe 20 times. After a month? You'll notice you're going hours without thinking about him.

This is how you break the pattern.

Step 3: Eliminate the Triggers (AKA Block Him Everywhere)

Girl, you cannot heal while still watching his life on social media. You just can't.

I don't care if you "just want to see how he's doing" or "it doesn't even bother you anymore." It does. And it's keeping you stuck.

Block him. Everywhere.

Instagram

TikTok

Facebook

Twitter/X

Snapchat

LinkedIn (yes, really)

His friends' accounts if you need to

Delete:

Photos from your phone (put them on a hard drive if you must, but get them OFF your daily device)

Text threads (screenshot important ones if needed, then delete)

Playlists you made together

Any apps you only used to talk to him

Avoid:

Places you went together (at least for a few months)

Songs that remind you of him (skip them immediately)

Mutual friends who can't stop talking about him

I know this feels extreme. But every time you see something that reminds you of him, you're resetting your healing clock.

Create space for your brain to forget.

Step 4: Get Obsessed With Something Else

Here's a secret that changed everything for me:

You don't stop thinking about someone by trying to stop. You stop thinking about them by getting obsessed with something better.

For me, it was building my business. I poured all that obsessive energy into creating content, helping other women, building something meaningful.

For you, it might be:

A fitness goal (training for a 5K, learning to lift, trying yoga)

A creative project (writing a book, starting a podcast, painting)

A skill (learning a language, coding, photography)

A side hustle (starting that business you've been thinking about)

Personal development (therapy, courses, reading, journaling)

The key is to find something that genuinely excites you and challenges you. Something that makes you think "I don't have time to think about him right now because I'm busy doing THIS."

Replace the obsession with a better one.

Step 5: The Journaling Practice That Actually Works

Okay, I know everyone says "just journal!" but let me give you a specific method that actually helps.

Every morning, write:

"Today I'm choosing myself by..."

And then list 3-5 specific things you're doing that day to prioritize YOU over thoughts of him.

Examples:

"Going to the gym instead of checking his Instagram"

"Calling my friend instead of texting him"

"Working on my resume instead of replaying our last conversation"

"Reading my book instead of scrolling to see if he's online"

Every night, write:

"Today I thought about him ___ times, and here's what I did instead..."

Track it. See the progress. Celebrate when the number goes down.

This does two things:

Makes you aware of your patterns Gives you a record of your healing journey

And girl, when you look back in a month and see how far you've come? That's powerful.

Step 6: The Timeline Shift

Stop asking "When will I stop thinking about him?" and start asking "Am I thinking about him LESS than I was last week?"

Healing isn't linear. Some days you'll think about him constantly. Some days you won't think about him at all. That's normal.

The goal isn't zero thoughts immediately. The goal is gradual reduction over time.

Week 1: You might think about him 200 times a day

Week 2: Maybe 150 times

Week 4: Maybe 75 times

Week 8: Maybe 20 times

Week 12: Maybe 5 times

See how that works? Progress, not perfection.

And here's what nobody tells you:

You might always think about him occasionally. An old song might come on. You might see someone who looks like him. A memory might pop up randomly.

That doesn't mean you're not healed. It just means you're human and you had a relationship with someone.

The difference is:

Now those thoughts don't control you. They don't ruin your day. They're just... thoughts. And then they pass.

That's the goal.

What to Do When You're Spiraling

Okay, real talk. Sometimes you're gonna spiral. You're gonna have a bad day where all you can think about is him and the what-ifs and the memories.

When that happens:

1. Feel it. Don't fight it. Cry if you need to. Be sad. It's okay.

2. Set a timer for 20 minutes. Give yourself permission to fully feel everything for 20 minutes. No interruptions.

3. When the timer goes off, get up and move. Go for a walk, do jumping jacks, dance to loud music, take a shower. Move your body to shift your energy.

4. Call someone. Text your best friend. Your mom. Your sister. Someone who gets it.

5. Do NOT text him. I don't care how strong the urge is. Text someone else instead.

The spiral will pass. Always does. Just ride it out without doing anything you'll regret.

The Hard Truth You Need to Hear

You're gonna think about him until you don't.

There's no magic trick. No perfect method. No shortcut.

But what you CAN control is what you do with those thoughts. Do you let them consume you? Or do you acknowledge them and redirect?

Every time you choose to redirect instead of spiral, you're healing.

Every time you choose to focus on yourself instead of him, you're healing.

Every time you choose to invest in your future instead of dwelling on your past, you're healing.

It's not sexy. It's not instant. But it works.

You're Gonna Be Okay, Girl

I know right now it feels like you'll never stop thinking about him. Like he's permanently tattooed on your brain.

But I promise you - one day you'll realize you haven't thought about him in hours. Then days. Then weeks.

And when you do think about him? You'll feel... nothing. Just neutral. Like thinking about someone you used to know.

That day is coming. Keep choosing yourself until it does.

Ready to actually heal from this heartbreak?

My Heartbreak Healing Blueprint walks you through the exact step-by-step process I used to go from thinking about my ex 24/7 to barely thinking about him at all. It includes:

✨ The complete ex-detox protocol

✨ Daily practices to rewire your brain

✨ Journal prompts that actually work

✨ What to do when you want to text him

✨ How to rebuild your life and identity

[Get The Decenter Him: Your Complete Guide to Taking Your Power Back for $37 →]

Or start with my free guide: "Queen Mindset: Your Guide to Transformational Self Discovery" and see if you're ready to start putting yourself first.

[Download the Free Guide →]

Comment below: How many times a day do you think about your ex right now? Let's normalize this. You're not alone, sis. 💕