How to Move On From Your Ex When You Still Love Him (Real Advice That Works)

Okay girl,

Let's get real for a second.
Everyone keeps telling you "just move on" like it's that simple. Like you can just flip a switch and stop loving someone.
But here's the truth they're not saying:

You can't force yourself to stop loving someone.

Love doesn't work like that. You can't logic yourself out of feelings. You can't convince your heart to stop caring about someone you genuinely loved.

So what do you do?

You move on WHILE still having feelings. You build a new life even though part of you still misses the old one. You choose yourself even when your heart is still attached to him.

It's not pretty. It's not easy. But it's possible.

And I'm gonna show you exactly how.

The Truth About Moving On Nobody Tells You

First, let's shatter some myths:

MYTH: You have to hate him to move on

TRUTH: You can move on while still wishing him well

MYTH: Moving on means never thinking about him

TRUTH: Moving on means thinking about him, but it doesn't have to ruin your day

MYTH: If you still love him, you're not over it

TRUTH: You can love someone and still know they're wrong for you

MYTH: Moving on should happen quickly

TRUTH: Real healing takes time, and that's okay

See the difference?

Moving on doesn't mean erasing him from your heart. It means building a life so full that there's no room for him anymore.

It means choosing your peace over your feelings.

And yes, you can do that while still loving him.

Step 1: Accept That This is Going to Suck

I'm not gonna lie to you and say "it gets better tomorrow!" or "just think positive!"

The first few weeks? They're brutal.

You're gonna cry. You're gonna miss him. You're gonna want to text him. You're gonna see something that reminds you of him and feel like your chest is caving in.

That's normal. That's grief.

You're not moving on wrong. You're not being dramatic. You're mourning the loss of someone you love and a future you imagined.

So give yourself permission to be sad.

Cry when you need to. Feel the feelings. Don't try to positive-think your way out of pain.

But - and this is important - don't set up camp there.

Feel it, process it, and then keep moving.

Step 2: Understand What You're Really Missing

Here's something that helped me: You're probably not missing HIM as much as you think.

I know that sounds wild, but hear me out.

Most of the time, you're missing:

✗ Having someone

✗ The routine and familiarity

✗ Feeling chosen and wanted

✗ The future you imagined

✗ Not being alone

✗ The good moments (not the whole relationship)

✗ Who you hoped he would become

✗ The version of him from the beginning

You're mourning the IDEA of him. The POTENTIAL. The STORY you wanted.

Not necessarily the reality of what the relationship actually was.

So try this exercise:

Write down what you miss about him. Be specific.

Then next to each thing, write: "Can I get this elsewhere or create this for myself?"

Examples:

"I miss having someone to talk to at night"

→ Yes, I can call friends. I can journal. I can join communities.

"I miss feeling loved"

→ Yes, I can love myself. My friends love me. Future partners will love me.

"I miss our inside jokes"

→ Yes, I'll create new ones with new people.

See how that works?

You're not actually missing something irreplaceable. You're missing needs that can be met in other ways.

And once you realize that? The grip loosens.

Step 3: Go Full No Contact (Yes, Really)

Girl, I know you don't want to hear this. But you cannot move on while still talking to him.

You just can't.

Every text. Every call. Every "let's be friends" coffee. It's all just reopening the wound.

Girl, Block him everywhere:

• Phone number

• All social media

• Email if necessary

• Mutual friends' stories if he shows up there

"But what if he needs me?"

He's a grown man. He'll figure it out.

"But what if this is a mistake and we get back together?"

If you're meant to reconnect, space won't prevent that. But you need time AWAY to heal first.

"But I want to know he's okay."

His wellbeing is no longer your responsibility. Focus on YOUR wellbeing.

The hard truth:

You're keeping him in your life because you're hoping for something - hoping he'll change his mind, hoping for closure, hoping to stay connected.

But that hope is what's keeping you stuck.

Cut the cord. Create space. Let yourself heal.

I promise, it gets SO much easier once you're not constantly triggered by seeing his name pop up.

Step 4: Build a Life That Doesn't Revolve Around Him

This is where the real work happens.

You need to create a life so full, so rich, so interesting that he becomes a smaller and smaller part of it.

Here's how:

Fill your calendar:

• Make plans with friends every weekend

• Join a class or group (fitness, art, book club, whatever)

• Plan things to look forward to

• Say yes to invitations you'd normally skip

Invest in yourself:

• Start therapy if you can afford it

• Read books on healing and growth

• Take courses that interest you

• Work on your goals and dreams

Create new routines:

• Change up your daily schedule

• Find new coffee shops or places to go

• Start new habits that have nothing to do with him

• Build a life that's YOURS

Reconnect with YOU:

• Hobbies you gave up? Pick them back up

• Dreams you put aside? Revive them

• Parts of yourself you dimmed? Let them shine

The goal:

When you think about your life, he should be a footnote. Not the main chapter.

Your life should be so full of YOU that there's barely any room left for him.

Step 5: Stop Romanticizing the Relationship

Okay, real talk: Your memory is lying to you.

When we're heartbroken, our brains do this annoying thing where they only remember the good parts. The highlight reel. The best moments.

We forget:

• The arguments

• The red flags we ignored

• The times we felt small

• The incompatibilities

• Why it ended in the first place

We create a fantasy version of the relationship that never actually existed.

So here's what you do: Write a list titled: "Why It Didn't Work"

Be brutally honest:

• How did he make you feel (really)?

• What red flags did you ignore?

• What patterns kept repeating?

• What needs weren't being met?

• Why did it actually end?

Keep this list. Read it every time you start romanticizing.

Here's mine from my past relationship (as an example):

Why It Didn't Work:

• He was inconsistent - available one day, distant the next

• I always felt like I was convincing him to choose me

• He made plans but rarely followed through

• I changed myself constantly trying to be what he wanted

• He criticized me more than he complimented me

• I felt anxious more than I felt secure

• He didn't prioritize me or the relationship

• I was doing all the emotional labor

• He never wanted to talk about the future

• I wasn't happy - I was just comfortable

Your turn. Write your real list.

Not the story you tell yourself when you're missing him. The ACTUAL truth of what the relationship was.

Balance the narrative.

Yes, there were good times. But there were also reasons it ended.

Don't let your brain rewrite history to make it seem better than it was.

The good memories are real. But so are the reasons you're no longer together.

Step 6: Feel Your Feelings (But Set a Timer)

You need to process the pain. You can't just skip over it or distract yourself forever.

But you also can't wallow indefinitely.

So try this:

When the sadness hits, give yourself permission to FEEL IT. Fully. But with a time limit.

Set a timer for 20 minutes.

For those 20 minutes:

• Cry

• Journal

• Voice note your feelings

• Look at old photos if you need to

• Listen to sad songs

• Feel everything

But when the timer goes off:

You get up. You wash your face. You do something else.

You honored the feeling. Now you move forward with your day.

This does two things:

• Lets you process without suppressing

• Prevents you from spiraling for hours

The feelings are valid. The wallowing is optional.

Important: This isn't about suppressing emotions. It's about creating boundaries around grief so it doesn't consume your entire life.

You can schedule your 20-minute grief sessions. "At 8pm, I'll let myself cry about this. But right now, I'm going to work/cook/see a friend."

Grief needs space. But it doesn't need to take up ALL your space.

Step 7: Rewrite the Story You're Telling Yourself

Right now, you're probably telling yourself one of these stories:

• "He was the one and I lost him"

• "I'll never find love like that again"

• "If I had just [done something different], it would've worked"

• "I'm not enough"

• "Everyone else finds love except me"

These stories are keeping you stuck.

Let's rewrite them:

OLD STORY: "He was the one and I lost him"

NEW STORY: "If he was the one, I wouldn't have lost him. The actual one won't leave."

OLD STORY: "I'll never find love like that again"

NEW STORY: "Good. That love wasn't healthy. I'll find BETTER love."

OLD STORY: "If I had just done X, it would've worked"

NEW STORY: "I did my best with what I knew. It didn't work because it wasn't meant to."

OLD STORY: "I'm not enough"

NEW STORY: "I was enough. He just wasn't ready to see it. That's his loss."

OLD STORY: "Everyone else finds love except me"

NEW STORY: "My timeline is my own. Love will come when I'm ready and it's right."

The narrative you tell yourself matters.

Your brain believes what you tell it repeatedly.

So stop telling yourself the story where you're the victim, the failure, the one who wasn't enough.

Start telling yourself the story where you're the survivor, the learner, the one who chose herself.

Step 8: Date Yourself First

Before you even THINK about dating someone new, date yourself.

What does that mean?

Take yourself on actual dates. Alone.

• Dinner at a nice restaurant (yes, alone)

• Movies

• Museums

• Weekend trips

• Coffee and a book

• Concerts

• Farmers markets

• Whatever you'd want to do with a partner

Do it solo.

Why this matters:

You're teaching yourself that you don't NEED someone else to enjoy life. You're whole on your own.

You're also rebuilding your relationship with yourself. Learning what YOU like. What makes YOU happy. Who YOU are outside of a relationship.

And here's what's magical:

When you genuinely enjoy your own company, when you're comfortable being alone, when you've built a life you love...

You stop settling. You stop needing someone. You start CHOOSING someone because they ADD to your life, not because you need them to complete it.

That's when you're ready for something real.

My first solo date:

I went to a restaurant alone. I was terrified. I thought everyone would think I was pathetic.

But you know what? No one cared. No one even noticed.

And I had the BEST time. I ordered exactly what I wanted. I read my book. I people-watched. I enjoyed my own company.

That was the moment I realized: I'm gonna be okay. I don't need someone else to be happy.

That's freedom, sis.

Step 9: Let Yourself Imagine a Future Without Him

This is scary, but necessary.

Your brain keeps imagining a future WITH him. The wedding, the house, the kids, the life.

You need to redirect that imagination.

Start visualizing a future where:

• You're happy without him

• You've moved on completely

• You're with someone who chooses you clearly

• You're thriving in your own life

• He's just a memory that doesn't hurt anymore

Journal it:

"One year from now, I'm..."

Paint the picture in detail. What does your life look like? How do you feel? What have you accomplished? Who are you with (friends, family, yourself)?

Make it vivid. Make it exciting. Make it YOURS.

Example:

"One year from now, I'm living in a new apartment that feels like ME. I've reconnected with my best friends. I've started that business I always talked about. I go to yoga three times a week. I'm dating myself and loving it. I think about him occasionally and feel nothing - just grateful it ended so I could become this version of myself. I'm genuinely happy."

Your brain needs a new story to focus on.

Give it one. A better one. One where you're the main character and he's not in it.

The future you're moving toward is so much better than the past you're leaving behind.

Step 10: Understand the Timeline (Set Realistic Expectations)

Everyone's timeline is different, but here's a general guide based on my experience and hundreds of women I've supported:

WEEKS 1-2: SURVIVAL MODE

• Just getting through each day

• Raw pain

• Everything reminds you of him

• Can't imagine feeling better

• This is the hardest part

WEEKS 3-6: PROCESSING

• Starting to have moments of clarity

• Still sad but not constantly

• Beginning to remember who you are

• Emotional rollercoaster

• Good hours followed by terrible hours

MONTHS 2-4: REBUILDING

• More good days than bad days

• Starting to enjoy things again

• Reconnecting with yourself

• Feeling like there's light at the end

• Still missing him but less intensely

MONTHS 5-6: GROWING

• Mostly okay with occasional sad moments

• Building a life you actually like

• Rarely thinking about him

• Realizing you're gonna be fine

• Starting to see the lessons

MONTHS 6+: THRIVING

• Can think about him and feel neutral

• Genuinely happy

• Over it (really over it)

• Open to love again (but don't need it)

• Grateful for the experience and the growth

Your timeline might be longer or shorter depending on:

• How long the relationship was

• How deeply you loved

• Whether you're doing the actual work or just distracting yourself

• If you're in contact with him or not

• Your support system

The question isn't "how long will this take?"

The question is "am I moving forward?"

If you're doing even ONE thing from this post - blocking him, journaling, rebuilding your life, dating yourself - you're moving forward.

That's all that matters.

Step 11: Know When You've Actually Moved On

You know you're over him when:

✨ You can see his name and not feel your stomach drop

✨ You hear "your song" and don't cry

✨ You go a whole day (then week, then month) without thinking about him and don't feel guilty

✨ You see a happy couple and feel happy for them, not bitter

✨ You make plans for YOUR future without wondering if he'd be in it

✨ You stop checking if he viewed your story

✨ You stop hoping he'll reach out

✨ You stop needing closure from him

✨ You stop replaying what you could've done differently

✨ You genuinely hope he's happy (even if it's without you)

✨ You can talk about the relationship without getting emotional

✨ You're excited about your own life and future

The BIGGEST sign?

When the person you're becoming matters more than the person you lost.

When your future excites you more than your past haunts you.

When you look at yourself in the mirror and think "I'm proud of who I'm becoming" instead of "I wish he could see me now."

That's when you know. You're free.

Step 12: What to Do If You Relapse (Because You Might)

Real talk: You might break no contact. You might check his social media. You might reach out.

If that happens:

DON'T SPIRAL.

One relapse doesn't erase all your progress. You're human. This is hard.

Here's what to do:

• Acknowledge what happened. "I texted him. That wasn't great for my healing."

• Don't beat yourself up. "I'm learning. I made a mistake. It's okay."

• Identify the trigger. "I reached out because I was lonely/drunk/saw something that reminded me of him."

• Reestablish the boundary. Re-block him. Delete the conversation. Start Day 1 of no contact again.

• Learn from it. "Next time I feel this way, I'll [call a friend/journal/go for a walk] instead."

• Keep moving forward. Tomorrow is a new day.

Healing isn't linear. You might take two steps forward and one step back. That's normal.

As long as the overall trajectory is FORWARD, you're doing it right.

The Hard Truth You Need to Hear

You're gonna love him until you don't.

There's no magic trick. No perfect method. No shortcut.

You can't force yourself to stop loving someone.

But what you CAN control is what you do with those feelings.

Do you let them consume you? Or do you acknowledge them and redirect?

Every time you choose to redirect instead of spiral, you're healing.

Every time you choose to focus on yourself instead of him, you're healing.

Every time you choose to invest in your future instead of dwelling on your past, you're healing.

Every time you choose your peace over your feelings, you're healing.

It's not sexy. It's not instant. But it works.

You're building new neural pathways. You're rewiring your brain. You're teaching yourself a new way of being.

And one day - I promise you - you'll wake up and realize:

You didn't think about him yesterday. Or the day before. Or all week.

And when you do think about him? It doesn't hurt. It's just a thought. Just a memory. Just someone you used to know.

That day is coming. Keep choosing yourself until it does.

You're Gonna Be More Than Okay

I know right now it feels like you'll never stop loving him. Like he's permanently tattooed on your brain and your heart.

Like you'll never feel normal again. Like happiness is impossible. Like you'll never love anyone the way you loved him.

But girl, here's what I know:

One day - maybe 6 months from now, maybe a year - you'll realize you haven't thought about him in weeks.

And when his name comes up in conversation? You'll feel... nothing. Just neutral. Like talking about someone you vaguely knew in another lifetime.

You'll look back on this version of yourself - the heartbroken, lost, devastated version - and you'll feel SO much compassion for her. But you won't BE her anymore.

You'll be the version who:

• Chose herself every day even when it was hard

• Rebuilt her life from scratch

• Learned what she actually wants

• Knows her worth now

• Won't settle for less than she deserves

• Is whole all by herself

• Is genuinely happy

And you'll think: "Thank god that relationship ended. Because it led me here. To myself. To this life. To this version of me."

You're not just moving on from him.

You're moving toward the best version of yourself.

And she's worth it. She's worth every hard day, every tear, every moment of choosing yourself when all you wanted was to run back to him.

She's waiting for you. Keep going.

Your Moving On Action Plan (Start Today)

Don't just read this and do nothing. Take action.

TODAY:

• Block him on at least one platform (start somewhere)

• Write your "Why It Didn't Work" list

• Schedule one thing to look forward to this week

• Text one friend and tell them you need support

• Journal for 10 minutes about how you're feeling

THIS WEEK:

• Block him everywhere (complete the process)

• Start a daily journaling practice

• Do one activity you love

• Move your body at least 3 times

• Reach out to your support system

THIS MONTH:

• Stay no contact (all 30 days)

• Try one new hobby or revisit an old one

• Take yourself on at least two solo dates

• Make plans with friends every weekend

• Start therapy or join a support group

THE NEXT 3 MONTHS:

• Build a life that excites you

• Work on goals that have nothing to do with relationships

• Continue no contact

• Date yourself consistently

• Notice your growth and celebrate it

6 MONTHS FROM NOW:

• Check in with yourself - how do you feel?

• Reread this post and see how far you've come

• If you're ready, consider dating again (but only if YOU want to)

• Continue building the life you love

• Help someone else going through heartbreak

You have a roadmap. Now walk it.

Final Thoughts: This Too Shall Pass

I know you don't believe me right now. I know you think THIS heartbreak is different. THIS pain is permanent. THIS love was once-in-a-lifetime.

But I'm telling you, as someone who has been exactly where you are:

This too shall pass.

The pain that feels unbearable right now? It will lessen.

The love that feels eternal? It will fade.

The future that feels impossible? It's waiting for you.

You will survive this. Not just survive - you will THRIVE.

But you have to choose yourself. Every single day. Even when you don't want to. Even when all you want is to text him or check his page or go back.

Choose yourself anyway.

Because on the other side of this heartbreak?

There's a version of you who is healed. Who is whole. Who is happy. Who knows her worth. Who won't accept less than she deserves. Who has built a life she genuinely loves.

She's real. She's waiting. And she's so proud of you for doing this work.

Keep going, sis. One day at a time. One choice at a time. One step forward at a time.

You're gonna make it. I promise. 💕

Ready to actually heal from this heartbreak?

My Heartbreak Healing Blueprint walks you through the exact step-by-step process to move on, even when you still have feelings. It includes:

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✨ Daily practices to rewire your brain

✨ 100+ journal prompts that actually work

✨ What to do when you want to text him

✨ How to rebuild your life and identity

✨ The "Why It Didn't Work" worksheet

✨ No contact emergency protocol

✨ Timeline tracker and milestone celebrations

This is the guide I wish I had when I was heartbroken.

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Or start here for FREE:

"No Contact Survival Guide" - Learn how to cut contact and stay strong, even on the hardest days.

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"5 Signs You've Lost Yourself in Your Relationship" - See if you need to reclaim your identity.

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[Download the Free Prompts →] [Coming Soon]

Comment below: How long has it been since your breakup? Where are you in the timeline? What's your biggest struggle right now? Let's normalize this healing journey together. You're not alone, sis. 💕

Related Posts You'll Love:

• How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex (When He's All You Think About)

• How to Find Yourself Again After Losing Yourself in a Relationship

• The Complete No Contact Guide: How to Actually Stay Strong

• Red Flags I Ignored Because I Was Lonely (Don't Be Like Me)

• How to Know When You're Ready to Date Again

PIN THIS POST so you can come back to it when you're struggling. Save it. Bookmark it. This is your roadmap.

You've got this. Keep going. 🤍